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Last Visit: 27 weeks ago
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So on Friday I attempted suicide and was yet again brought to the psych ward in which I snuck in a blade. after first night checks I had a cuppa then locked myself in my bathroom. I proceeded to slice open the veins in my elbow (having already been covered with bandages on my wrist) as soon as blade tore vein, blood steadily oozed it way from the wound it was more a fast steady flow than a gluggy ooze and it proceeded to pool on the floor from which it then dribbled down the drain. 2nd check and a voice came 'are you on the toilet' yes was my instant lie. as more blood poured out I began to get dizzy and my head became too heavy. sitting against the wall became a struggle. my chest hurt. not because of my sadness but because of the increasing pressure bloodloss put of it. I was so dizzy. soon everything grew dark. it was too hard to keep my eyes open. I knew I was going to die. soon my vision turned white and I was gone.
somehow, something or someone happened and my eyes opened. I was terrified. I didn't know what going on. I looked at the blood, then at my elbow - which wasn't bleeding anymore and thought WTF. I cried. next thing I knew there was a knock on the door, 3rd check. the nurse opened the door and it was all over.
whatever really happened in those 2 2 hrs I don't know
I thought I was unlovable ugly, scarred and broken that no would ever like me I then met Ana she would make me perfect to be beautiful, lovely and wanted she said we would be friends she introduced mia she would erase my mistake that I would be whole, clean and desired then cat came along too she would take away the pain and I would be calm , safe and free then I met sue she would help me escape my mess to be delicate, gone and remembered then I lost my self I was defined by what they all said to be bony, scarred then dead they promised everything but who I really needed was starring at me I am enough I will always be enough.